Thursday, 3 May 2012

Anno Domini and the Muhammed Ali Effect.

Today being housework day (groan), I started off determined to make light work of the usual chores, first of which was to change the (new) bed.

If anyone else out there has had a similar experience I would appreciate their wisdom on this most boring and routine of jobs.

First of all, I have never in all my life owned a double bed.  Years of twin beds made the stripping and changing procedure seem a doddle.

Oh what a different story trying to fight a massive 4'6" duvet and cover into submission.  I am 5'5"" and quite strong and athletic (well, that's what I thought anyway), but after the battle with this great tent I feel about 2 feet tall.

Worse, much worse, was the attempt very quickly abandoned, to turn my mattress.  The instructions which came with it ordered me to turn it about once a fortnight for the first year, and once a month thereinafter.

Ha!  guess who's mattress will never be turned - no, not even once.

It weighs a ton, is about 12 inches deep and, since they didn't include a spare set of muscles with it, will stay exactly as it is until it, or I leave home.

Then there was a brief lull in the rain and I thought, "fresh air" and headed for a patch of cleaver which is about 4 feet high and is slowly strangling what is left of my garden.

Once out there, it became obvious that my puny efforts would make so little impression on the jungle, that it was hardly worth trying.  Nevertheless, I tugged and yanked at several feet of this awful clinging - and for me- allergy triggering monster and found that even in heavy-duty gauntlets my hands were  getting hot and sweaty and beginning to itch.  So I abandoned that for the time being and headed for some nettles.

The gloves are a useful barrier for these and I now have a large pile on the stone paving awaiting bagging up, but since it is now pouring again I have left that for the next job.

This is vacuuming the whole house, and guess what. the vac needs emptying.

S.. it!

I already feel as though I've done ten rounds with Muhammed Ali and I am after all, an old lady.

Coffee time.


  1. Ray, I would never try to cram a week's housework into a single day nowadays! Softly softly, catchee monkey is a very good slogan for us less-than-youngsters. :-)

    The alternative to trying to turn your new mattress (usually head-to-toe, rather than right over for modern mattresses) is to sleep on the other side of the bed sometimes, so that each side gets used. I also use a single duvet in a double bed if it's just me - much less work to change.

  2. well said ;-)

  3. What a wonderful description of changing a bed. I really relate to your troubles, especially as I've done the spare double bed today. It looks like you've won though. Take care.

  4. That was only about 2 day's work Perpetua. I do my washing every other day and shop when I can fit it in.
    Spending Mon Tues and Wed mornings at St. M's restricts the time left for basic chores. To say nothing of Friday evening choir practice and every Sunday morning in church.
    It's not me, it's just that there are fewer days in the week than there used to be.!
    I had already started sleeping on both sides of the bed (not at the same time you understand), so will have to wait and see how long the mattress survives.

  5. I'm glad my Herculean efforts amused you Freda. Oh for a magic wand!

  6. Having just changed the sheets and duvet cover this morning I can really sympathize! The trick to putting on the duvet cover for a double or king size is 'practice, practice, practice!

  7. The only snag with that Broad is that the more I practice the older I become. (Back to the drawing board).
    Perhaps I could climb into the duvet cover and hang on a hook behind the door like a bat!

  8. Ah the 'pleasure' of bed making. For me the pleasure in the fresh crisp clean sheets is heightened by the memory of how much work it took me to get them there! I do not have such a problem with the duvet covers, I hold onto the corners for all I am worth & when the top 2 are in I am seen doing a shimmy, shake & waft routine! For me the real pain is the fitted sheet on the mattress. Non of our sheets quite fit: to wide, not deep enough & then having to heave the mattress at each corner to tuck the excess, or find some extra material, in - exhausting.
    However this pales into a minor problem when I am on top of my daughters raised bed, too far from the floor so I have to stand on the ladder or kneel on the mattress, then I bang my head on the ceiling, well you get the picture.
    When you find the magic bed-making wand Ray please can I borrow it?

  9. Not a chance Shona, I will have to be surgically separated from it, but you will hear my loud purrs right across the Atlantic.
    Nice to hear from you, hope all is well.