Wednesday, 27 October 2010

Loneliness - Causes - Effects - What to do about it?????

Apropos of nothing in particular, simply because it is a part of many peoples' lives, it occurs to me that not enough consideration is given to this terribly important facet of existence.

It is perfectly possible to be lonely in a crowd, in a close relationship, in a family and indeed anywhere. Sadly life doesn't come with any guarantees  that a particular life style, life choice will produce a given result and for most of us, trial and error are the means by which we arrive at our solution.

For some people the idea of actively putting themselves in a public arena and "confessing" to the awful "shame" of needing people to communicate with, socialise with, form group or individual liaisons with, is just completely impossible.  For others, it is all too easy to loudly proclaim how desperate they are for company at virtually any price.  Yet others, attempt to sidle into existing groups, as it were, unobtrusively.

If the lonely individual is young it is perhaps not so difficult to form new friendships since most group activities cater almost exclusively for that sector, but as one ages, it becomes increasingly difficult to break into ready-formed "clubs" and a common experience is that the newcomer is made to feel like an intruder.

The lucky few people who have never experienced real loneliness are I think a totally different breed from those who live with the condition (curse), on a day-to-day basis.

Marriage break-ups, huge irreparable differences of opinion, bereavement, depression with its side-effects all can cause intense loneliness in even the best-balanced of people.  How to cope with it and if possible at least alleviate its effects is quite another matter.

If you are in the enviable position of having a thriving active community nearby, it will be less of a strain to make at least a few aquaintances, some of whom may in time become good friends.  If not, it will be necessary to seek out a group of people who share some of your own tastes, interests.

Some people, myself included, have had to totally reinvent themselves and start again from scratch, not easy but quite rewarding if enough effort is put into the process.

Each and everyone of us has at least one skill, gift, personal trait which is worth developing and can slowly lead to new options, ways of passing the days (if, alas, not the nights) and it should be possible to beat the grey cloud of depression - at least some of the time- and begin to find ways of making life worth the effort.

A long, pretty grim sounding diatribe I know, but some things are better aired than left to smoulder.
If you disagree please feel free to say so.  Or indeed to agree !


  1. Balancing the scales of satisfaction and frustration requires,A.Identification of frustrations nature,B.Acceptance and or change of it,C.Slow solid building of compensatory satisfaction. Thus scoial functioning is restored. How to do it you ask ?, self determination or with the help of a neutral other. At some level everybody is lonely, we are individually crafted around our own backbones. Aint it a buger. RX

  2. While i broadly agree with most of the above, I know that social functioning can be pure performance with no personal involvement and can fool a lot of the people most of the time.
    Incidentally, your favourite epithet has two