Friday, 27 February 2015

Happy Anniversary?

Today would have been my 44th wedding anniversary.

Had John still been here we would, as usual, have had a long debate about whether we 'needed' to celebrate it by going our for a meal or something similar.

Not one of the world's great romantics, John would have quite happily forgotten all about it, along with every other anniversary had I not been a part of the occasion.

In the 38 (and a half) years we were married I could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times he spontaneously bought me flowers or gave me a card.  Yet I made a big thing of every one as a way of balancing my past life.

From a family which - just about - managed to celebrate birthdays and made nothing whatever of other events I grew up neither expecting nor wanting lots of 'jollies'.  This changed when I got into my early twenties when for  some reason the dormant romantic in my soul began to emerge,

A series of boy-friends who did the meal and flowers thing made me realise my own approach which bordered on indifference, was not the normal one.

Even today when my lovely neighbours are nagging me to say what I would like to do on my birthday in a couple of weeks, I would much rather do nothing at all and let the inevitable happen with no input from me.

In my mid-twenties I began to take flowers to my  mother and give them a card to celebrate their wedding anniversary.  Later John and I  would take them out for a drink or a meal if we were in the same area of their 'day'.

Both parents were at first slightly bemused, then gradually became more accepting of our 'strange' ways.

Despite thinking their anniversary worth celebrating somehow John never quite caught on to the idea that ours might be worth a raised glass too.

When I read about the wildly extravagant manner in which some, usually young, couples mark the fact that they have been married for 3, 4 or even 5 years, I can't help wondering where we went wrong.

When is an anniversary not an anniversary?   When one half of the couple has 'bowed out' of the dance.Happy Anniversary John.


  1. Happy Anniversary.

    Our 44th was last year. Max was never good at celebrating anniversaries, birthdays or Christmas. Now, in his state of dementia it means nothing so I do not mention these things as it would go right over his head. The new man in my life likes to celebrate but more with thought than expense. Valentines day I was given a small vase with two red roses (all he could find in his garden. This was just what I wanted as I much prefer that to some bought flowers - it is the thought and time taken to do something that is far more important.

    I know I am so lucky to have a second chance even though I know it may never lead to marriage and living together. We are just happy with what God has seen fit to give us both.

  2. I'm happy for you that you have found someone to share the good moments with you.
    As my 80th birthday gets daily nearer I find I don't need a close

    companion any longer
    Immediately after John's death I felt overwhelmed with loneliness but
    theses days am largely content with friends in church and my neighbours. That doesn't mean that anniversaries no longer register.
    We all need something to celebrate and I celebrate good friends.

  3. It is good that you are largely content now and as you say good friends are so important.

  4. Happy anniversary's still the anniversary of your wedding and should be appreciated as well as celebrated! I'm sure John shares it with you! Xxx

  5. Thanks Jean, though the actual wedding day was quite another story. I feel a future blog coming on. :-)

  6. I'd love to hear about your wedding Ray x, thinking of you x

  7. Some time soonish Jane. Just have to be in the right mindset,
    Hope all is well in your world :-}

  8. An anniversary is always special. Thank you for sharing thoughts of yours and of your time with John. Every Blessing

  9. Thanks Freda. Often I don't know what I'm going to write until it has written itself and am taken by surprise by the memories that surface.

  10. Your John and mine sound like they had a lot in common, Ray. :-) We don't make a big thing of anniversaries and birthdays, mainly because he usually forgets unless reminded. But we're still happily married after nearly 47 years.

  11. Well done. It really is not all about celebrating with dancing and clashing of cymbals is it?