Wednesday, 22 September 2010

Insomnia

It is only 3.50am but it feels like mid-day. Know the feeling? Welcome to my not very exclusive club.

The inability to sleep is something of a family curse within my tribe. It is a question then of either lying there prone with one's mind racing or getting up, making tea, watching awful all-night repeats of films which were not worth watching when new or trying to do something constructive. This is none of those, but is a way of releasing the previous day's tensions without actually killing anyone.

Yesterday was a bad day, full of angst, anxiety, anger, acrimony and not least adrenaline, about to be utilised!

Somehow, whatever problems have arisen during the previous day, whether dealt with well or ill they contrive to re-appear in the wee small hours grown to giant proportions.

Putting words on paper used to work for me, but since the world of computers became a part of my life on-screen words are in some mysterious way more theraputic. A kind of vanity no doubt, but still quite a powerful way of dealing with one's inner demons.

The people who impose their more unpleasant characteristics on you during the day, can have quite a crushing affect if you are having a vulnerable or over-sensitive 24 hours, but night-time scribbling/blogging is a good way of ridding yourself of the ego-shrinking results of verbal attacks without actually engaging with the individual concerned. A way if you will, of emerging triumphant from a battle which you have not actually fought!

Freud would have had a field day no doubt. Luckily for me, he is no longer with us.

I imagine creative people might put this time to better use, but for me it serves a purpose, even if it is only to unscrew a valve and release some steam. Which then allows space for the more pleasant events of the previous day to begin to take precedence over the others.
Walking or rather exercising the mad young collie of one of my neighbours while we had a happy catch-up in for once, a sunny evening. In the end I suppose the good trivia of each day usually manages to outweigh the bad.

4.35 am time to gather my wandering wits and face another baggy-eyed day.

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