More on the Saga of "The Bed"

 Those of you who read of my struggles with a heavy mattress on my new bed will be aware that it was unlikely that the muscular " mattress fairy" was going to solve my problems for me.

Having tried, unsuccessfully , to fit a divan trim since this also, like the turning of the mattress involves lifting and moving said lead weight, I sought for and found a solution.

A catalogue dropped through my letterbox at just the right time and, wonder of wonders, there was a choice of five different "easy fit" valances.

So simple did this sound, and so good to look at were they that I ordered two.

They arrived creased and crumpled beyond recognition so I thought "they'll have to wait till I change the bed, and I'll iron the one I am going to use"

It was like trying to iron the great wall of China, a great never-ending snake of pleated white cotton.

However, two short breaks and half an hour later it was ready to be fitted.

Oh dear, oh dear, why hadn't I read the instructions first.

First words "remove mattress from base"........ Aaaarh!

Well I shoved and pushed the beast about four inches away from the base and prepared the adhesive strips applying them to the base while propping the mattress against my shoulder and hanging on to the valance with my 'other' hand.

I know I must sound like the world's worst wimp, but oh to be 3 inches taller, 10 years younger and just a little less "cack-handed".  Not a nice description, but one common in Birmingham where I grew up, and oh so very apt when applied to yours truly.

This is the finished article.  It is entirely possible that when it is due to be changed again, I may do as royalty did in Tudor times, and simply move house!

Why is nothing ever as simple as 'they' make it sound?

After that, merely making the bed up, even with the battle of the duvet, was simplicity itself.

I promise never to mention the subject again!