Wednesday, 27 May 2015

Doldrums

This is the only Google image I could find which accurately illustrates my current state of mind/writer's block.

Things are happening in my life of course, but only negative ones at present.

I appear to be going through some kind of low-spirited apathy, not "The slough of despond" exactly but something similar.

This is not a new thing for me of course, I have a history of depression, sometimes mild, sometimes more serious, but this long period of disinterest in everyday affairs is unusual.

It's not as though there is any lack of things to do (albeit almost all of them to do with St Mary's), but I am finding it very difficult to raise any enthusiasm for any of them.  Even music is failing to arouse any but the most feeble response.

There is a spate of birthdays in the close and invitations to go with them but I am simply not able to feel any real interest.

My garden which is becoming daily more overgrown is not encouraging any active response, more an increase in apathy combined with anxiety.

Housework has always been a bit of a no go area for me and it is now a real effort to make myself do the basics.

I read the blogs but can only seldom raise enough interest to comment.  I cannot write anything other than rants and do not want to put off for ever the few readers I still have,

This coming Sunday, instead of the normal attendance at St M's, my friend the parish administrator and one other lady and I are going to see our previous, greatly missed incumbent and his wife in their new church and then to lunch.  We are all looking forward to this and I am hoping (perhaps unrealistically) that this will prove the 'spell breaker' which will restore me to a better frame of mind.

It is perhaps unfair to pin too much hope on the reunion proving a catalyst but I feel that some kind of spiritual refreshment will take place.

Watch this space.

7 comments:

  1. I hope you are feeling better very soon! You have been such a wonderful support to me and others that I am certain it's only a matter of time...prayers from me now!

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  2. It occurs to me Ray that I have no other way of getting in touch with except this way and I do regard you as a friend. Here is my email address. It's easy to find anyway on the web site for the diocese so it's not a secret. Revjeanrolt@mac.com Feel free!

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  3. Thanks a million Jean (on both counts). Have made a careful not of your email address.
    I promise not to abuse your friendship.

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  4. Ray, I hope you are feeling better today. I totally understand those doldrums, a sense of everything just being kind of boring. Maybe it is a way of letting our minds rest or something - too much passion takes a lot of energy. But I hope it doesn't last too long and you are back to being your curious self soon.

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  5. You could have a point Penny. Well today was a very tiring but lovely day. We set off in pouring rain and it rained for the hour and a half it took to get there.
    The service was a very different one from our usual St M's one, but it made a welcome change.
    Our dear rector and his wife made us very welcome after the service and offered us a splendid lunch.
    We had a happy time reminiscing and updating each other and were all really glad to see each other again.
    The sun came out on the homeward journey and I watched an hour's cricket on TV with my feet up to round off the day.
    Body weary but spirits much improved,
    PS I'm glad you see my nosiness as curiosity:-).

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  6. Sorry to hear you hit the doldrums for a while, Ray, and am glad to see from the comments that you feel better after your lovely trip. I too have been erratic in my blog reading and commenting recently, but that's more because life has been rather hectic.

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  7. It is good to be able to return to writing don't you think? Whatever the reason for the break in normality.

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