Wednesday, 27 May 2015
Things are happening in my life of course, but only negative ones at present.
I appear to be going through some kind of low-spirited apathy, not "The slough of despond" exactly but something similar.
This is not a new thing for me of course, I have a history of depression, sometimes mild, sometimes more serious, but this long period of disinterest in everyday affairs is unusual.
It's not as though there is any lack of things to do (albeit almost all of them to do with St Mary's), but I am finding it very difficult to raise any enthusiasm for any of them. Even music is failing to arouse any but the most feeble response.
There is a spate of birthdays in the close and invitations to go with them but I am simply not able to feel any real interest.
My garden which is becoming daily more overgrown is not encouraging any active response, more an increase in apathy combined with anxiety.
Housework has always been a bit of a no go area for me and it is now a real effort to make myself do the basics.
I read the blogs but can only seldom raise enough interest to comment. I cannot write anything other than rants and do not want to put off for ever the few readers I still have,
This coming Sunday, instead of the normal attendance at St M's, my friend the parish administrator and one other lady and I are going to see our previous, greatly missed incumbent and his wife in their new church and then to lunch. We are all looking forward to this and I am hoping (perhaps unrealistically) that this will prove the 'spell breaker' which will restore me to a better frame of mind.
It is perhaps unfair to pin too much hope on the reunion proving a catalyst but I feel that some kind of spiritual refreshment will take place.
Watch this space.
Posted by Ray Barnes at 10:26:00 pm