Sunday, 25 March 2012
This as you who have read me before will know, is not an unusual state of affairs, but thinking about it at length, I am quite unable to explain why something which gives so much pleasure to so many people, should be the cause of a downward turn in spirit for me.
Beauty should surely be a source of joy, and yet, the bird-song, getting more isolated now as it gets darker has a sort of echoing quality, suggestive of loneliness,
I think the only bird still singing now is a blackbird, yet even that song has a remote quality about it which touches the heart.
It has been an exceptionally warm day for March and the neighbourhood children have been much in evidence all afternoon, a sure sign of Spring. Now they have returned to their respective homes the silence is more marked than usual because of the earlier noises.
A friend who brought me home from church this morning remarked on the (7) reed buntings in the back garden. She had never seen one before and was quite impressed with their little black faces, white moustaches and collars and chestnut backs. They are pretty little things and I am delighted that they choose to grace my apology for a garden with their presence, but I am used to them, and sadly, familiarity does breed a measure of if not contempt, at least a sort of indifference.
My (much quoted) mother used to say of me, that I "took my pleasures sadly". I was rather miffed by this, but now perceive it to be all too true.
Among my least pleasant characteristics is a strong vein of self-pity. Not an attractive facet of an adult personality and one of which I am not proud, but this along with spending too much time thinking about myself and my problems rather than other peoples' woes may be at the root of things.
Hmmmm. Not a nice thought.
With all the strides recently made in medicine, I wonder if they do personality transplants?
Have just shut the window and pulled down the blind. But, I can still hear the ruddy bird.