Sunday, 27 November 2011
Melancholy Advent - mixed feelings
It was a happy service, well attended and the Sunday School children enjoyed the lighting of the Advent Candle.
As so often happens, once the service is over, a reaction sets in.
I get a taxi home, have a coffee (or three), and gloom descends.
Today was cold and windy so no chance of doing any work outside and the unwelcome but oh so familiar, Sunday loneliness set in.
Trying to pin-point the actual cause of imminent depression sometimes works for me, so I searched my memory of the morning to see if I could find a starting point, and realised what it was almost instantly.
One of our congregation whose husband has been ill for some time has, sadly, become our newest widow in the last couple of days.
They were both good friends of St. M's and many tributes were paid to this man's contribution to the life of the church on several levels.
I know and like his wife but never met him since he had become ill around the time I became a part of the community, but he was well loved and always spoken of with admiration and affection so I felt I knew him by proxy.
In itself, the loss of a member of the church 'family' tends to cause a change in the atmosphere and this I suppose combined with my own aloneness (always more intense at weekends), was the reason for the lower than usual dip in spirits.
Whoever said "every man's death diminishes me" said something very profound, in that when we encounter change, we change.
For those of us of a melancholy persuasion, it is difficult to shake off the cloak of sadness, where our lighter-hearted brothers and sisters are able to put events in perspective more easily.
Time to stop I think. I didn't intend to depress the entire world. Too much looking inside should not be encouraged.
More cheerful next time.