Is there really light at the end of the tunnel

The big question is not when but whether we are going to emerge from this pandemic in any recognisable way.

Given as I am. to introspection even at the best of times. this has presented me with a whole  new raft of potential problems.

Now on day 65 of my own version of lockdown it feels as though this way of life? could last forever.

Every time someone in Government suggests a tentative loosening of the rules a whole fresh batch of  questions present themselves and we continue as we are.

Those of us in the 'ancient' and therefore at risk group have grown uneasily accustomed to having our shopping done for us by kind neighbours or local friends and lovely though this is, the guilt at being kept 'safe' at the expense of other people grows daily. 

This is a debt we will never be able to repay, and the temptation to say, "I will venture out with a mask and gloves" grows ever stronger.

The fact that if we all did so, infection rates would boom and death rates double is the one factor which prevents many of us from taking this step.

People in the same or similar circumstances to my own seem to have a more optimistic view than I, perhaps just a question of temperament.

One thing which really worries me is that as a non-driver and unable to get to town without transport
will mean risking buses or taxis, not a cheering thought.

Loving and appreciating my wonderful neighbours though I do, there is still the feeling that at some stage their generosity will run out.  True there is no sign of that happening but the fear is still there.

As for the indiots who are flouting all the rules and ignoring the pleas and guidance of those who know what the consequences may be, there is no word for their selfish behaviour.

Truly this pandemic has produced armies of wonderful caring community-spirited people while also showing up the 'others'.

Thank God that most of the world seems to be in the former group.  Bless them and may they continue to flourish.

Stay safe.

Nocturnal Meanderings

This ominous sky photographed a few years ago in the middle of one of my many sleepless phases, seems to portray the state of my mind at present.

This very strange and unfamiliaar period of our history is making it quite difficult to behave normally, (or what is normal for us).

During the day my time is spent trying to find ways to occupy myself  in order not to watch 24 hour TV, while in the background a feeling of unease is a brooding presence.

My neighbours continue to do all my shopping and  a few friends phone from time to time but this period of imprisonment (57 days now) feels like a lifetime and with no immediate prospect of ending.

Used to being on my own but on my own terms rather than with the condition being imposed on me is changing the way I view solitary living.

Some people I know quite well who are in a similar situation are finding new energy and tackling tasks they have been putting off for years, while some are turning to alcohol as a mood changer.

These two solutions have no appeal for me and I am beginning to realise that what I do best and enjoy most is simply talking to people.


At the beginning of this hermit-like state of affairs I had vague hopes of some sort of epiphany, thinking I might emerge at the end a changed and in some way much better person.

I fear that was a vain hope and if anything I am becoming even more morose than before.

Even music has failed to lift my mood and I have not attempted to sing since early March so if the old way of life ever resumes I mayhave to be dug out of my shell with a shovel.

Back to bed , perchance to dream Or  maybe not.

REALLY ? ? ?

Conspiracy theories abound about the Virus but this last couple of day I have been astonished and perturbed when two people whom I respect and regard as intelligent reasoning human beings, have added another couple to the growing list.

I do not propose to give details here since there is quite enough alarming 'stuff' out there already, but i am beginning to think it  must be me.

Am I really so naive as to be the only one who accepts the generally broadcast version of events leading to this appalling pandemic?

True I am no scientist, but then, which of us is?

If the only theories were those tweeted by The Trump I would dismiss out of hand any ounce of credibility, but, sadly more and more l;ittle rumours are leaking out into the community at large.

The world is, we know, currently sick on a massive scale but are we also losing our minds?